Pupil: "Excuse me, Sir, but I don't think I deserve a mark of zero for this exam paper."
Teacher: "Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give."

Why did the cow cross the road ???
To get to the "udder" side !!!!!

What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no-body to go with!

What do sea monsters eat?
- Fish and ships !

Spanish Jokes

What is the worst of a bullfighter? that his wife would make him the horns.

Jill: You remind me of the sea. Jack: Because I'm wild, unpredictable and romantic? Jill: No, because you make me sick.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went into a bar. The Englishman stood a round of drinks, the Irishman stood a round of drinks and the Scotsman stood around.

Teacher: "Late again. What's the excuse this time?"
Pupil: "Sorry, Sir. There was a notice on the bus saying Dogs must be carried, and I couldn't find one anywhere."

The most important is not to win, but to make lose to the other.

The saddest is not to go to the cemetery, but to remain.

How do you say in Chinese language " a Chinese dirty hair"? CHIN CHU SHAMPOO
Some men with guns went into a convent and the captain odererd his men to violate all the nuns, the novice pleaded him: " "oh, don't violate our Superior Mother ( the oldest nun), please"! , Her Superior Mother replies angrily " he orders them to violate all of us and that's all"
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Polish jokes:

Why does your sister have yeast and shoe Polish for breakfast ? Because she wants to rise and shine.
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."
Brother: Which is farther away- NY City or the moon? Sister: NY City. Why do ask? Brother: Well, I can see the moon, but I can't see NY City.
Dan: My little brother is a real pain. Nan: Things could be worse. Dan: How? Nan: He could be twins !
Michael: It's hard for my sister to eat. Maureen: Why ? Michael: She can't bear to stop talking.
My sister wanted to marry a man clever enough to make a lot of money but dumb enough to spend it on her !
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."